Pantheon of Workmonsters
In a world of shoegnomes, there are workmonsters…
Much like I came up with the realization that I was a shoegnome years before I started my company and blog, the concept of workmonsters has been floating around in my head for a long time. What are workmonsters? They are a special breed of coworkers. I have a feeling that you already understand.
This is just a small sampling of archetypes. Perhaps if this doesn’t sour my readership (due to snarkiness or my not-so-secret love of early Dungeons and Dragons and so many other role-playing games I’ve played since), I’ll collect enough for a second post.
Pantheon of Workmonsters, Volume One
Dumbstars – People that refuse to give up old ways. I’ve mentioned this theme often. Tracks 3 and 4 of Pantera’s Reinventing the Steel deal with them. They are very frustrating to teach and train. They cling to 2D because the transition to 3D is hard and new and different. And not comfortable. The rewards of making the paradigm shift are ignored and denigrated. Dumbstars continue to fight for the wrong old ways, incorrectly assuming that continuing to fight will result in success. Dumb.
Panicstars – People that understand the value of change, that even know what they’re doing, but shut themselves down with panic and fear. They’ll be cruising along, modeling in 3D, understanding how to work in BIM, but completely crash when something out of their comfort zone happens. If these crashes could be avoided, they’d be very effective workers. While Dumbstars are stubborn and refuse to ‘get it’, Panicstars regress and collapse when they should start problem solving. They fear error messages. They loath trial and error. They never just ‘Google it’. While a Dumbstar is essentially doomed for failure, a Panicstar can still succeed if their anxiety and fearfulness can be monitored and circumvented.
Grumblestars – Negative downers. Whether moaning on an online forum or just bringing down the productivity of all those around them, Grumblestars are dangerous because they often have knowledge. But however good they might be, their bitterness, anger, and ‘this all sucks and I know it; why can’t you happy people get over your optimism and be fatalistic too’ attitude gives them virtual immunity to constructive criticism and help of any variety. Of all the types of workmonsters, Grumblestars are perhaps the most tragic and doomed. Yet they also deserve your compassion. How functional would you be if you knew that everything was horrible and anything remotely hopeful was just a lie?
Braintrusts – Groups of users who feed off their uselessness, poor judgement, and misinformation. A Braintrust can dismantle a well conceived template and standard by misunderstanding the issues and creating complex solutions to non-existent problems.
Pinkliners – Here’s a post dedicated to them. At a previous job I had a boss who spent I don’t know how much of the client’s money drawing fat lines around unfinished ArchiCAD sections. On the first of three 18 x 24 sheets of sections was this note written in red: sections should have thick ‘air lines’ around their edges. Let me know if you need more explanation. Really boss? I’m the BIM Manager. I’m in the midst of taking my AREs. You think I don’t know what a finished building section should look like? Come On! I just seethed, said nothing, and never had respect for that individual again.
Fake Cheerleaders – They tell you that everything is about the team, but in meetings team is usually pronounced ‘I’ or ‘Me’, maybe ‘We’, but that usually feels like the royal ‘We’. Focusing on the firm image or style is just code for no one but the Fake Cheerleader getting mentioned. Fake Cheerleaders fail to give credit, don’t get that respect has to be earned, and don’t understand the value of intrinsic rewards (seriously if it was just about extrinsic rewards like money, who’d still practice architecture? Not me). Narcissism veiled behind fuzzy talk of togetherness and groupism isn’t leadership or healthy for keeping employees happy and productive.
Gobblebosses – I’m sure the list of bad boss architypes is endless. So I’ll talk about just one more. When I was participating in the 2012 AIA Minnesota Leadership Forum, one of the best lines I heard from a speaker was “Call me a leader, but never call me a boss”. I love that line. Gobblebosses are bosses, not leaders. And they don’t get that there’s a HUGE difference. A Gobbleboss will assume you can work as many hours as he needs you to, without respect to your family, life, or other office responsibilities. If you give a Gobbleboss a minute, he’ll take an hour. Give him an hour and you’ve just lost your day. Maybe your week. How do you know if you are under the thrall of a Gobbleboss? You feel like your time isn’t yours. You have to fit your life, whether personal obligations or other professional duties not related to the Gobbleboss’s domain, around that of the Gobbleboss.
Appendix A: Bonus Monsters!
The Onion and Forbes provide four more archetypes:
The One who should just Stay Home
Appendix B: Mix and Match!
Workmonsters are not mutually exclusive. Pinklining Fake Cheerleader Gobblebosses? Yeah those exist. And suck. Gobblestars, Gobbletrusts… in a world of workmonsters, we need shoegnomes.
Have you experienced one of these coworkers, or another archetype I haven’t described? Leave a comment or e-mail me and I’ll share your story anonymously.
Douglas Fletcher
This is a beautiful post. So true and so appropriate. Excellent work, sir!
Jared Banks
Thanks Doug!
Soured Fan
I’m trying to be a fan…..but I just got soured….& lost a little bit of respect, myself. I agree with many of your ‘categories’, & I can imagine where you would place me, but this is seems like a childish way to describe things. It’s the kind of thing that really turns me off, when I’m trying to learn new ‘amazing’ software & deal with all the personalities on the discussion/support groups. It’s hard to ‘want to learn from’ people who come across this way. I’m trying to ‘take what I need & leave the rest’, contribute where I can (my realities usually don’t seem to sit well with others). This is the real world, & I will continue as best I can. I’ve seen a business get wrecked by a combination of some who are somewhat delusional, not staying on top of matters at hand, & by complicating the whole process by not staying in the game enough to participate….& some with condescending attitudes & approaches, who seem to be more worried about how smart & hip they are than ‘the team effort’….& watching them ALL miss the bigger picture…..ultimately leaving those of us who have been ‘getting the job done’ all these years screwed. I no longer have a team that I spent over a decade with. It’s a shame what’s becoming of this ‘industry’.
Jared Banks
I knew when I published this post I risked offending some readers. That’s why it sat on the back burner for a long, long time (I believe the first draft of this post is close to two years old). But in the end, I just had to release it. It sounds like you’ve worked with some other archetypes that need to be on this list as well. And it’s a good suggested point that I need to do some reflecting and figure out the Monster-type that I am. I definitely know of a few former coworkers who could probably give some suggestions. On a related note, I’ve got a post on acknowledging that sometimes I’m the bad guy in the works…
David J
This is a thing of beauty. I think we all have some monsters inside of us (I’m a Pinklining Grumblestar). But we can’t let them take over our better architect instincts.