Problems with Authority

I’ve always been a good boy. Teachers liked me. I got good grades. I was never one to make waves. I generally listened to my parents. Though I guess I did push back against them a fair amount as a teen, especially when they were giving me helpful suggestions on how to solve problems. And I did get into a months long mental battle with my sophomore year chemistry teacher. It ended with me writing on the back of my final that I was never taking another science class. I did take physics my senior year of high school because it was required for some of the architecture schools I was applying to (that grudge prevented me from applying to some architecture schools, but that’s a story for another day). There were all those times in college I can’t remember—or choose not to write about today. Oh and that one boss who thought I was lazy; I wasn’t, I just didn’t respect him. And then all the problems I had with my bosses at my last job before Shoegnome (a) and (b), for example. Plus my first big client when I committed to Shoegnome full time in 2012. That didn’t end well. I was reminded of that last example when reflecting on how I goaded a giant after a softball game. Spoilers: I was the asshole and he was really kind when I apologized the following week. I could go on. Turns out I have some problems with authority.

I’m thinking about this now because of a recent encounter that ended poorly. I managed a LinkedIn group for about a decade. Many years ago I asked to take over ownership of the group and was denied. I was annoyed, but moved on. More recently I tried again. I made the case that the owner wasn’t involved with the group and as a lowly manager there was only so much I could do to keep the group focused, engaged, and spam free. I suggested we be co-owners. He did not like this suggestion and eventually stopped responding to my messages. Rather than roll over again, I started a new LinkedIn group: Archicad Users. It was exactly the same as the other group, just new, free of garbage posts unrelated to the primary topic, and most importantly under my control. I quickly added another owner and a few managers. This wasn’t about me being a dictator, it was about sticking it to authority. And also building a better community. I’m still in that other group, but the owner removed my admin privileges. He now requires all the posts to be pre-approved. He only checks the group about once a week. Thanks to my problems with authority, a LinkedIn group with 40,000+ members only gets new content when its absentee owner remembers to approve a week’s worth of posts. I wanted to make the group better but instead made it worse. Not my problem, I guess.

I angered authority. Even though I don’t regret any actions that led to that anger, and the quality of that group isn’t and never was my responsibility, I feel bad. I’m that kid who wants to get all A’s, make his parents proud, get a pat on the head for being such a kind, sweet boy. I take it all too personally.

I have to remind myself: friction caused by purposeful action is often a good sign. It means I’m trying something new. I’m not playing it safe.

No grand conclusion here. Sometimes being an asshole is just being an asshole. But sometimes those disagreements, unpleasantness, and loss of privileges is a sign I’m steering towards something new and exciting.

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